Verbs, Nouns, Adjectives and Fat Bottoms

Posted by on Friday, July 4, 2014 in Grammar | 0 comments

Verb, Nouns and Adjectives and Fat Bottoms

Grammar is complicated if you try to be perfect but we’re  imperfectionists so getting the gist will damn well do. If you left school not knowing any grammar have a listen to the video. It will help you to learn foreign muck. To understand foreign muck it’s useful to know some of you own. So order a cocktail, sit back, relax and enjoy…

Hello my little English speaking pig dogs – you thought it was the wolf you should be afraid of – you were wrong! It was la Grammaire all along! Sneaky grey haired, big knickered cheat! Unfortunately she holds the magic key to the secret of stringing a sentence together, so we’d better listen to the old cow.

This section is only for those of you who left school without knowing what it is:

  • a verb
  • a noun
  • an adjective

Those of you who already know you can allez-vous en! – Go away! Allo?

You’re still here aren’t you, you little nosy parkers? Or is it that you like to think that you know but in fact you’re not 100% sure! Ha I knew it. It’s okay. You can stay.

This is a quick summary you will not forget.


Firstly let’s deal with a verb – Before verbs (doing/action words) you can put the word ‘to’ in front of : to sleep or ‘I’ as in I sleep or ‘we’ we sleep, or ‘she’ sleeps or ‘he’ sleeps. Or put these words in front to make a sentence ‘I like to…..+verb’ for instance ‘I like to sleep, I like to eat and I like to exercise but most of all I like to shag.

I do the verb verb verb, I do the verb verb verb…
Do it/action it!


Secondly, nouns. Nouns are people, places, things, animals etc. In fact the word noun is made up! It should be ‘name’ not ‘noun!’ I think someone misheard the person explaining the rules – because instead of writing down the word ‘name’ the idiot wrote ‘noun.’ Perhaps the person that day taking notes was rubbish at spelling. In French the name for ‘noun’ is ‘nom’ and the name for ‘name’ is also ‘nom.’ Bravo la France! Noun noun noun noun noun noun – Nouns that are names of people or places have a capital letter – Deirdre, Penelope, Cyril, Arthur, Paris, Edimbourg etc. In front of nouns you can put the words, ‘a’ as in a table (you cannot say ‘to table’ hein! Vous avez compris – you have understood?) Also ‘the’ – the mouth, or the word ‘my’ my darling, my lover, my bottom. Yes I realise that to say my Cyril or the London sounds strange but people and places have a capital letter to show you they are different and they can do what they bloody like. However, if you are from Yorkshire you can put ‘our’ in front of names. Our John, our Gertrude.


Finally, we come to adjectives. These, my darlings, describe our beloved noun/name thingies. Think of it as the nouns being naked (nu) without adjectives. The adjectives clothe them and keep them warm. Kind adjectives. Sweet adjectives. Thoughtful adjectives. Niiiiice adjectives.

So for adjectives you can put the words ‘is’ or ‘am’ in front of. Penelope is beautiful, Penelope is boring, Penelope is late, Penelope is frigid. My lover is tired. In English you can stick adjectives in front of nouns. Par exemple: A big mouth, a fat bottom and a small willy – un petit zizi.

So a small summary of my small summary:

Verbs – you do the verb, verb, verb (with actions) Key word ‘to’ to pee, to fart, to dream
Nouns – names of things, people, places, animals etc. noun noun noun noun noun noun. Key word ‘a’ a pig, a solution, or sometimes ‘an’ if the word starts with a vowel an umbrella.
Adjectives – describe nouns – key word is ‘is’ my bottom is fat.

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Verbs, Nouns, Adjectives and Fat Bottoms
Does grammar scare you? Many of us don't know what on earth a verb, a noun or an adjective is. It's actually not hard to learn in under 7 minutes.

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