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Home – Learn Real French

Yes! You have to learn slang and expressions because otherwise you will never understand French and you won’t be able to have a natural conversation. Discover how to communicate in French in a fresh and fun way.


Millions of people speak French – You can be one of them.

 

Warning – please be aware this website contains strong language because everyday language is being discussed. That includes slang and expressions which are used by most of us every day and of course if you want to have any hope of understanding a French film, French radio and French comments on social media you need to understand the more colloquial language. Even if you don’t like strong language most of us understand it in our mother tongue. Plus, the added bonus is that a bit of saucy or strong language helps you to remember  French because the strong images are more memorable. Dive in to a bit of tongue in cheek French. 

Composition credit to Francesca Craven – Adobe tarter upper extraordinaire!

Want to learn French? Never tried or tried and given up?

This is a blog about learning French and online lessons in ‘real’ French course for open-minded adults who like a laugh (no, sorry, there’s no porn).

If you’ve come to perfect your foreign language learning skills you’ve come to the wrong place. There are plenty of other courses claiming to do that. The aim here is to teach you to get by, cobble a conversation together with a native speaker and actually understand part of what you hear in everyday French situations which means becoming more familiar with slang and widely used expressions. I’d like to give you the confidence to try to speak ‘real’ French. One of the biggest obstacles to foreign language communication is that damn cat that gets hold of your multi-lingual tongue and won’t let go. The terror won’t even allow you to utter ‘Bonjour.’ Through humour, practice and working up a foreign language learning sweat you should enjoy this journey into ‘Le French.’

Did you hate your French teacher?

I like to teach French in a genuine and relaxed way. Perhaps you are new to French or indeed language learning. Many of you have probably learnt French at school. Some of you will have loved it but in my experience most people hated it or hated their teacher. Many of you will have bought and tried various language learning packages at home. Some of you will have finished these packages and felt frustrated that you still couldn’t communicate in French. Most of you will have abandoned the course.

So what’s different here? Me. You probably haven’t been taught by me. No, I’m not big-headed. In fact quite the opposite. I’m what I like to call a realist. In my opinion, everyone who wants to – can learn a foreign language. However, I think that people’s expectations are way too high. Unless you have time to immerse yourself in the language by living in a French speaking country or you have hours to spend studying the language with the aid of a great teacher you’re unlikely to become perfect. Don’t believe me? My mother is French. I was brought up with English and French all my life. I have a French degree. I have lived in France. I have a postgraduate qualification (PGCE) to teach French. I have taught French up to A-level standard and now I teach French to adults. My French is pretty bloody good. However, it is still far from perfect. I make mistakes all the time but I don’t let that stop me speaking it or using it to earn me a living. If you don’t like this then my style won’t suit you. I propose that you learn with me in a relaxed way and allow yourself to make loads of mistakes. Learn to live with your mistakes and better still laugh at them.

Learn French whilst playing tennis

This is not to say that my methods are easy. Your effort is still required. As the cliché says ‘You get out what you put in.’ I could try to teach you how to be pretty good at tennis but unless you pick up a racket yourself and practise, your progress will be somewhat slow. Actually I’m crap at tennis so don’t take me up on that – I still like playing though.

Cheers - but where's the toast!?

Cheers – but where’s the toast!?

Hopefully, you will like playing ‘Le French’ and if you get pretty good – bonus! You might avoid accidentally ordering frogs’ legs on toast. If not, you can cry laughing at the faux-pas you’ve made and eat whatever that is on your plate.

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Frogs Legs on Toast Home Page
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Want to learn French? Never tried or tried and given up? This is a blog about learning French and also a French course for open-minded adults who like a laugh (no, sorry, there’s no porn).
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How to be cool in French – Être Branché

Posted by on Wednesday, October 29, 2014 in Expressions | 0 comments

How to be cool in French – Être Branché

I’m really into Champagne! Je suis hyper branchée Champagne!

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Caution – Should Johnny Foreigner use slang?

Posted by on Sunday, September 7, 2014 in Culture, Expressions | 0 comments

Caution – Should Johnny Foreigner use slang?

Le Gossip du Jour
Some argue that slang is ever changing and evolves which, bien sûr (of course) is true. I believe however that some slang is around to stay and is necessary if you want to really understand what on earth they’re saying on the next table at the café. No end of irritation if you can’t follow the ‘gossip du jour.’

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French Fart

Posted by on Saturday, July 12, 2014 in Expressions | 0 comments

French Fart

If however, you did eat a vindaloo the previous evening then you would need to use the expression ‘oh là là, j’ai le feu aux fesses.” My arse is on fire – as in ring of fire.

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Verbs, Nouns, Adjectives and Fat Bottoms

Posted by on Friday, July 4, 2014 in Grammar | 0 comments

Verbs, Nouns, Adjectives and Fat Bottoms

Can you identify the nouns and adjectives in the following?
A big mouth, a fat bottom and a small willy – un petit zizi.
If not read and/or listen to the post.

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French Nudity – Get ’em off!

Posted by on Wednesday, June 18, 2014 in Culture, Expressions, Nudity, Seduction | 0 comments

French Nudity – Get ’em off!

Learn how to say ‘tits’ in le French.

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